Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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