Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
