The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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