K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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