So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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