Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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