I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Randomize
