She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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