She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
