On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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