he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
ugly people sure do ruin things
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
