Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
