Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
