Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
