Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
