you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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