Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
