I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
