I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
