I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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