if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
