just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
