Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
