so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
