'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Houston, we have a blender
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
