I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
