i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
