Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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