He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
