Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
