Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
