Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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