my room smells like sperm. sweet.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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