At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
