watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
