and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
