Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
