best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
the day after is always just damage control
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
