The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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