his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
