If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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