I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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