where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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