Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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