Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Fuck appropriateness.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
