First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
