How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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