ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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