Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
