I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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