Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Do you still have your period?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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