That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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