it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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