I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
