i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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